Their childhood
- What is your earliest memory?
- What was your house like when you were growing up?
- What did you do for fun when you were a kid?
- What were your parents like when you were young?
- What was your favorite meal as a child, and who made it?
- What did you get in trouble for most often?
- Who was your best friend growing up, and what happened to them?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
Their young adult years
- What was your first job, and what did you earn?
- What was the bravest thing you did in your twenties?
- What music did you listen to when you were my age?
- What is something you did when you were young that you hope I never do?
- What did you think your life would look like at the age I am now?
- Who was your first love?
- What is a risk you wish you had taken?
Becoming a parent
The questions that often get the most surprising answers.
- How did you meet my other parent, really?
- What were you most afraid of when you found out you were going to be a parent?
- What was I like as a baby?
- What is something about raising me that was harder than I know?
- What did you try to do differently from your own parents?
- What is a moment as a parent you are especially proud of?
- Is there anything you wish you had done differently with me?
- When did you first feel like an adult?
What they have learned
- What is the best advice you ever received?
- What do you know now that you wish you had known at thirty?
- What has surprised you most about getting older?
- What are you most grateful for in your life?
- What do you still want to do that you have not done yet?
- How do you want to be remembered?
- What family stories should I make sure never get lost?
How to use them
Record it if they are willing. A voice recording of a parent telling the story of their first job or how they met becomes priceless over time. Ask before you start, and keep the setup casual so it does not feel like an interview.
Let them wander. These questions often trigger a story that goes somewhere unexpected. Resist steering back to the list: the detours are usually the best part.
Do it in small doses. One or two questions over dinner, on a drive or on a phone call works better than sitting down for a formal session. Some parents need a few conversations before the deeper stories come out.
Questions people ask
Focus on stories that only they can tell: their childhood, how they met, what they were afraid of when they became parents, the family history they know. Many people regret not asking about these while they still could.
Start with easy, specific questions like their first job or their childhood home, and show genuine interest. Old photos are great prompts. Some parents open up more one on one than with the whole family present.
You can still use the lighter questions about their childhood and early life, which can build understanding without reopening conflict. Skip any question that feels unsafe or likely to lead somewhere you are not ready to go.