36 questions · Intimate mood

36 questions to fall in love, written fresh

The 36 questions to fall in love come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, who found that pairs of strangers felt closer after taking turns answering questions that grew more personal. This is not the original list. It is a new set of 36 written in the same spirit, with the same structure of three rounds that slowly raise the stakes.

Draw a question1 / 36

If you could spend a whole afternoon with anyone alive, who would it be and what would you do?

Press space or → for the next one.

Round one: getting comfortable

Both of you answer each question before moving on.

  1. If you could spend a whole afternoon with anyone alive, who would it be and what would you do?
  2. What small thing makes an ordinary day feel lucky?
  3. What routine would you miss most if it disappeared tomorrow?
  4. What did you plan carefully that ended up going completely differently?
  5. If you could master any craft in a year, which would you choose?
  6. What meal reminds you of one specific person?
  7. What was the best moment of your week so far, and who was there?
  8. If you could live in any neighborhood in the world for a year, where would it be?
  9. What are you curious about that you have never actually looked into?
  10. What is the most interesting part of what you do all day?
  11. Who is the last person you laughed with until it hurt?
  12. What is your first impression of what we have in common, and what seems different?

Round two: opening up

  1. What moment from childhood do you return to when you need comfort?
  2. What dream did you set aside, and do you ever think about picking it back up?
  3. What have you done that you never expected to be capable of?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship, and who taught you that?
  5. How did your family handle conflict, and how do you handle it now?
  6. What memory still makes you wince a little?
  7. What would you do differently if nobody you know could ever find out?
  8. What role do you usually play in a group: the planner, the joker, the peacekeeper or something else?
  9. What goal did you abandon, and are you glad you did?
  10. How do you like to be looked after when you are sick or sad?
  11. What is something you would not normally tell a new person this early?
  12. What do you think love feels like when it is working?

Round three: letting someone in

Slow down here. These are meant to be answered to each other, not about each other.

  1. Name three things you have started to appreciate about me during this conversation.
  2. What would you want me to understand about you if we got closer?
  3. When was the last time you felt lonely in a room full of people?
  4. What fear about relationships have you carried for a long time?
  5. Is there something you wish you had said to someone before it was too late?
  6. What part of yourself do you find hardest to show?
  7. What would make you trust me more than you do right now?
  8. Describe a moment when you felt deeply proud of someone you love.
  9. What is a question you hope I will ask you someday?
  10. What do you need more of in your life right now, and could another person give it to you?
  11. Tell me something you noticed about me that I might not have noticed myself.
  12. After everything we just shared, what do you feel like saying that you would normally hold back?

How to use them

Go in order and both answer every question. The original research worked because disclosure was gradual and mutual: each person shares a little more, then hears the other do the same. Skipping ahead to round three loses the slow build that makes it feel safe.

Give it time. Most pairs need forty-five minutes to an hour for all three rounds. Put phones away, sit somewhere quiet and do not rush an answer just to reach the next question.

The original study paired people who did not know each other at all, which is part of why it fascinates people. Talking to a stranger on Hush in the Deep Conversations vibe, through voice notes with no photo involved, is close to that setup, and round one makes a natural starting point.

Questions people ask

No. This is an original set of 36 questions written in the same spirit and with the same three-round structure. The original list was published in a 1997 paper on generating closeness between strangers and is easy to find if you want to compare.

The study measured feelings of closeness, not love, and it found that structured, escalating self-disclosure made pairs feel closer than small talk did. It is not a guarantee of romance, but it reliably makes a conversation more personal.

You can, but tone gets lost and it is easy to rush. Voice notes or a call work better, and if you do it by text, agree to answer each question fully before sending the next one.

More questions

Deep questions to ask when small talk is not enough36 questions. Deep questions to ask are the ones that make someone pause before answering, then answer more honestly than they planned to.
Couple questions for quizzes, check-ins and big talks31 questions. Couple questions do different jobs depending on the night: some are a game, some are a check-in and some are the conversations couples keep meaning to have.
Questions to ask on a first date that keep it flowing34 questions. Questions to ask on a first date should feel like conversation, not a job interview.
Late night questions for after-midnight talks30 questions. Late night questions work because people are tired enough to stop performing.